Well, one more of those full of views things -- jus loved talking to her.Such a tremendous actress --articulate, bold and totally unpretentious!!!! Not many like her for sure.
Think Khushboo and the fragrance that her name suggests, is instant – more because here is a woman and an actor, who has sustained her place in the film industry over the years and continues to be popular and very appealing to a majority. There is no question about that. Plus, she is also someone who is admired, perhaps hated and secretly emulated for her outspokenness and living life on her own terms. While this may seem like clichés, this is exactly what her life is about.
From Mumbai to Chennai, the journey has been long and eventful. Starting out with a film that brought her to prominence – Dard Ka Rishta, with Sunil Dutt, Khushboo came down south in what one can call a destiny’s path. Noticed by almost all big names here in the Telugu and Tamil film industry, her career is a success story. Eventful even! Good, bad and some indifferent, have all gone into making her what she stands for today. Ask her about her forays into films and she is instantly bored.’’ Please don’t ask me the routine things. I’m really sick and tired of saying the same thing over and over again. How about we talk about general things,’’ she says.
That’s what happened one dusky evening on her rooftop of her residence at Santhome. Birds chirped around and the sluggish breeze lazily wound itself around us, as we spoke of things in a meandering sort of manner.
How did it all begin?
As a child actor. And the film that really gave me recognition and fame is Dard Ka Rishta. After that, I was doing a few films in Bombay--that’s when D Rama Naidu wanted to launch Venkatesh in Telegu films. Venky saw one of my films and suggested my name. That’s how I moved to the South.
Didn’t ever feel like going back to Bombay?
From the very beginning, Chennai felt like home. I have not been a party going person-- the kind who would like to go out in the evening. Chennai suits me just fine.
When you get into any field in life, other than the fact of known complexities of working have you seen any changes? Do we still need for equality?
No, we don’t have to fight for equality. Success plays a very big role and a lot of people believe in shortcuts to success. But finally it is hard work, the capacity to perform – that really pull you through. What we talk about sexual harassment at the workplace, of all the places I have seen, read about, the film industry is still a far much better place than any other.
And the casting couch syndrome does not exist?
I don’t think it exists. I have not seen it in the 22 years of my career; even when I was a new comer- whether it is the Tamil, Telugu, Kannada or Hindi--I have never seen any person coming, holding my hand and pulling me. No producer is a fool to invest lakhs and crores of rupees in you, for the kind of films that are being made today. And certainly not if he feels you are not worth it--just because you are doing some favours. If you are good, he is going to invest – period. I have seen how women send propositions to my husband who is a director. And since we have a very transparent relationship, we discuss a lot. It is not that we run down the women, but he says,’ look at the desperate moves these girls make to be in the limelight.’’
How does he handle all that?
Very simply—he tells them to ask me. If I said ok, he would be ok to what they suggested too. On a lighter note you know how it is. It is not always the men--the producer or the director – the girls too sometimes are desperate to be in films.
You have been in the industry for such a long time. Are you seeing changes in how women are being perceived from when you started?
Definitely. While it is still a male dominated world, but its not too bad. A heroine is given equal credit. If you talk about being character driven then there is hardly any character worth talking about. Substantial roles are simply not there. The premium seems to be on looking good, glamorous. Yet there are those like Trisha, Tamana, Nayantara, who are not only good looking, but are also making an impact. It is not easy to look glamorous and still last so long. Trisha has been around for quite a while now and has really made it big. It takes a lot of guts to do a role, where all you doing are providing the oomph and the glamour. And surviving.
How about initiating roles for women?
The problem is, we don’t have the multiplex system. If in Bombay you have films centred around the character of the woman, then you have the multiplex system where you make a film on a small budget. Any film which based on the heroine, is not made on a mega-budget. That we can still do here. But people here again are not ready to accept a woman doing a film like Page3, Ashtithva or a Chandani Bar.
Moral policing- has it stopped you from saying things or being the way you are?
Who are the people who do moral policing? I don’t know. We are absolute strangers to them. Why should I fear them? I still speak my mind, I still say what I feel is right because I live in a democratic country, where it gives me the freedom to speak what I want to say until as long as I don’t point a finger at someone and malign them.
What are the issues you would really like speak out on?
One thing I would definitely like to speak out is education for the girl child; sex education in schools from 6th or 7th standard for the girl child, basically sex education. I would defiantly want to work with sex workers to spread the awareness of HIV. That is something people are still unaware of and they don’t want to learn about it.
Are you working on any of these issues?
I am and I do it silently. I don’t publicise it. It is something very personal and I would like to keep it that way.
What is Kushboo as a family person?
(She laughs uproariously) A nagging wife? I nag about everything. About why this or that is not working?
Are you dependent on your husband?
I am not dependent on him. I’m a perfectionist. So when I say this has to be done, it has to be done. And I always tell people that if you cannot do it when I assign you with a job, let me know and I’ll do it. I’m not dependent on you.
What would those jobs be?
Odd jobs; probably going and picking up something for the kids; or probably going and you know things about the house (she was very annoyed about the electricity fittings in the new house that day).
And as a mom?
As a mom, I am strict only when it comes to studies. I am not the kind who will say you have to get cent percent in whatever you are doing. I’ll say, get the green line that you have passed and that is enough for me. But things have to be done on time. Books should not say “incomplete work” or there shouldn’t be any complaints. Unfortunately my children are attached with the tag of being celebrity kids. So extra attention is given to them where ever they go and they are noticed, how they behave. But they are normal children; bound to adamant, cranky. They might come across as being spoilt. So I’m a little extra careful when it comes to their behaviour in public.
Would you call your marriage a happy one?
Well, its not a bed of roses for sure; but then life would be very boring if it was. There are times when we have not talked to each other for weeks. I am on one corner of the bed and he is on the other and the kids in the middle.
How do the children react to these things?
They don’t react at all. When the children are around, we are absolutely normal. We have made an underlying rule that we will not fight in front of the kids and not use any kind of foul language. And when we fight, it not that we are screaming our head off. If he screams, I laugh and he gets bugged; and when I am angry, I throw certain things. Like if I have a handbag I throw it, if I have a book I throw it on the floor and that irritates him.
How did you come to marry Sunder?
I think we had been dating each other for five years and so it was very long. In fact, he was directing his first film when we met and I was already the star.
Did you have an image in your head that this is the kind of guy you wanted to marry?
No, I have never read Mills and Boon, but then all my friends used to say tall, dark and handsome is what he seems. So here he was – tall and handsome, but not very dark fellow. But then the first day of the shooting we were together and my aunt, who was always with me, said it was time I got married and settled down. She saw Sundar pass and said,’’we should find a boy like that. Who is he?’’ And I was hastily trying to quieten her down, saying,’’ he is the director.’’
How were those first few days?
It was a nice unit, a young unit; the director, a first timer; a first time camera man, but they had all worked as assistants together so they had a unity and they were good friends. All of us hit it off, as friends first. And slowly started to get to know Sundar; it was a slow process as he tends to keep to himself and does not talk too much.
How did you get him to talk to you?
Just the opposite, actually. Both of us are on two ends of the spectrum. We were friends and when we started talking, the unit, our friends were wondering. We didn’t even realize how we started liking each other. And on one occasion, when he was supposed to be gone for a few days he came back much faster –and in our shoot we used to play cricket, cards. No caravans to keep to ourselves. And I just asked his camera man,’’ where is Sundar? It is a bit weird without him?’’ And he promptly went and told him that. “Machaaan! Onne miss panara da! ” And Sunder landed up the very next day. I was very happy to see him. That evening actually, Sundar and i were talking and he just turned around and said,’’ If tomorrow we have kids, who will they look like?’’ I said,’’excuse me? ‘’ And he repeated it saying if we kids tomorrow, who will they look like?’’
Is that how he proposed to you?
Yeah, and I asked him,’’are you trying to propose? ‘’oh, I haven’t proposed to you, yet? Ok, fine. Will you marry me? ‘’ It was as simple as that.
And you said, yes?
I immediately said, yes. And that’s it. The very next day, the entire unit knew about it.
And how was the wedding?
It was five years later. Sundar was very keen that he did something before he married me. He comes from a very humble background. He said, I want to give you all the comforts and status you are used to. So unless I buy a house of my own, I will not get married. My mom was a little against it initially, because he comes from a different caste and mom was not sure what kind of a person he is. I had already been hurt once and Mom was very scared. But my brothers were cool about it. They met him and spoke to him and they were happy that I had found a good guy for myself.
But you had to wait five years to marry.
Yeah, that was fine because we were living together. And that is something that depends on the couple; how sure they are of about each other. Of course we had a problem, we broke up in between and we came back and all those fights have happened for us. We broke up for a day and we came back. Also maybe because it was getting to me that the marriage was taking a long time; it was taking its own toll. I was working around the clock and so was he. We were not able to spend so much time together. And on his part he had this basic fear of losing his freedom.
Has the seven year itch made its appearance?
Oh we did not even realise that the seven years has gone past. Once we were shooting and he called me and asked me to come down for it. When I asked why, he said, ‘’no, please come by.’’ And this was when we were dating. I went to the location and he said,’’ I want you to meet somebody.’’ He called a girl and pointed to me and said,’’ do you know who she is? ‘’ She didn’t know that he was dating me. “I have such a wonderful wife back home. Do you think I’ll even turn and look at you”? The girl was really taken aback. And I said, ‘’don’t do that to her.’’ But Sundar felt they needed to know that they need not be so desperate for work?
No woman’s journey into this point in life is without heartaches? We are talking about the Prabhu episode!
it’s a closed chapter. Everybody knows about my one big heartache. Love is blind. But I’m glad I could come out of it. A lot of people are not able to come out of it. I realized what I was doing was wrong. So, I had to come out of it. You never realize how, where and why it happens. There are no answers. I don’t regret it. But then I also know it was a huge mistake. I have shared a beautiful part of my life during that period. It was beautiful till it lasted. But then, definitely a mistake.
How do you see equations in today’s context?
I think we all forget that the basic need in a relationship is time, which we don’t want to give. We want to keep moving on. If it works, fine. If it doesn’t, you move on. That move on tag, should be removed. A marriage has to be worked upon. We all have our problems. Talk it out. I believe there is a solution to every problem. Don’t keep pushing it under the carpet. Because then, by the time you realize there is a heap of problems for which you don’t find solutions to. If it is an abusive marriage, then you have to walk out. A woman can do better when she is alone, all by herself rather than living in an abusive marriage.
You have very strong views on most things. Were you always like this?
I have always believed in being honest. I have seen my mom in an abusive marriage and she never had the chance to leave being uneducated. Today I’m glad she stays with me. I have a wonderful husband who, when we built this house, said ask you mom to come and stay with us. So, my mom, mom-in-law all of us stay together.
What would you ask of life now?
I don’t believe in God. If I have a question, I try to get an answer. And I don’t ask questions to people who I know can’t give answers. I always question a person, whom I know is close to my heart. And I only question when I am hurt. And the person who can hurt me is obviously the person who is close to me. So they are my family and friends and nobody else. It is as simple as that. Life is what you make of it.
So there is no such thing as being destined?
Nobody can foresee the future. I wonder when the last time Bill Gates saw was his astrologer or whether Obama had an astrology chart made. Obama had to work hard to be where he is today and Bill Gates was intelligent enough to make something out of his life. I always want to see my kids smiling, healthy and definitely making something out of their lives. I want my girls to be financially independent. I would like people to stop interfering in everybody else’s lives and take care of their own. Be honest to yourself. Be confident in what you are doing. Even if you falter. Don’t hesitate to say sorry. But if you are not at fault let the world turn upside down, don’t say sorry.
A parting shot?
Take care. That’s my usual line.
I SMILE---
At sight of kids playing in the rain. Probably to hear the giggle of a small kid, the laughter. My day starts with looking at both my kids in the morning. I think that’s the best sight in the world. As my husband puts it, as soon as the school starts, there is a Mahabharata at home every morning till I take them and drop them at school.
I LIKE SHOPPING FOR:
Saris. I love saris. But I am also very comfortable with cotton salwars, mix and match. I hate getting them stitched because invariably the tailors goof up. I love to shop at Fab India, Anokhee.
EATING OUT IS SUCH FUN:
Thai at Lotus and Benjarong. I also like Dakshin at the Park Sheraton.I cook at home and I can make everything except south Indian.
WHAT COLORS ME BEST:
All the earthen shades. Browns and yellows.
